apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
