if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize