i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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