I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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