I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
