dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
