I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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