He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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