she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
