Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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