forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
