we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
