Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.