then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I don't get it.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
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We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
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I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming