Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Randomize
Follow @tfln