Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.