I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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