Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
