The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
