it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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