I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
