Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize