Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
