She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
