New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
