Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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