I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
