Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
