How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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