a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
