Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
