so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
