I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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