How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So vagazzling was a success
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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