But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
