This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
