I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
