dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
