I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
