I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He better not be in your backpack
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
