I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
