she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
