Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
