I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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