I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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