If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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