I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
