Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
