Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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