these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize