I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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