What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
