i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
