So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
