I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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