sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
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Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
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For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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