You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
