Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
