Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
