If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
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OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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